American citizens are shocked and upset by the news of hundreds of thousands of migrants pouring across the US southern border. States like Texas and Arizona are declaring crisis situations, and states attorneys general are suing the Biden administration, hoping to stop or at least slow down the madness. This situation, combined with the BLM movement’s recent push to defund and cripple law enforcement’s ability to maintain public order, has motivated many citizens to go out and buy guns.
It does look scary, doesn’t it? But some are already looking forward to the bright side of of this radical new liberalism. As the great horde of undocumented illegal migrants push deeper into the US, the open arms of the Latino community will warmly and traditionally embrace the newcomers. But after the initial welcome, people will say to them, “hey, you need to make yourself useful.. start generating some income.” Because after all, America is capitalist country and money makes the world go ’round.
Undoubtedly, some of these illegals will make it in their new homeland. They will invest in leaf blowers, in soapy water, in paint and tools from Home Depot, and make America shine again! The bathrooms of the middle classes will sparkle, carpets will get cleaned, and everything from plumbing to old cars will get cheaply fixed. But what about the ones who can’t find a job at a local burger joint, or don’t have enough cash or the inclination to buy a leaf blower and a bucket and some cleaning solution from Home Depot. Chances are, they will go on to deal drugs and commit crimes.
At first, this seems awful. But it’s really a cloud with a silver lining. Many of the punks and wastrels that we saw peacefully rioting during the 2020 “Summer of Love” will finally be able to go beyond getting high on pot and beer and move up to the really good stuff, like crack and heroin. It will be a jubilee on drugs! As thousands of hungry and desperate girls and their mothers and grandmothers start working the streets while the police stand down, all the angry wankers cooped up in their basements watching porn will finally get their chance to go out into the night and buy all the cheap candy they’ve been dreaming about. By sunrise they will be so drained of peaceful riot juice, they will just want to take more heroin and go to sleep. We’ll have less worries about gun control, because who has time to plan a mass shooting when they’re having so much fun!?
For investors, there will always be plenty of opportunity. Buy a car wash, a laundromat, a carpet cleaning company, or a plumbing business, which are all sure to profit from the massive surge in cheap illegal labor. And don’t forget the clinics, hospitals, and mortuaries, as demand for antibiotics, life support equipment, sutures and bandages, body bags and coffins all enjoy a massive spike in sales. Yeah baby, America is indeed headed for high times once more. Maybe Old Joe really does have a plan.
