If you have a degree from a college in a liberal state, like, say Washington, Oregon or New York, and most of your parents’ friends were tech executives, you have a good chance of getting hired into a Big Tech firm. But, will you be ready?
Beyond the preliminary qualifications of radical liberalism and well-connected parents, or friends in the industry who can vouch for you, you will of course need to pass the oral interview. That’s where things can get tricky. So to help you out, we reveal the top 2 interview questions you’re likely to be asked by a Big Tech executive, like, say Bezos, Zuckerberg, or Dorsey. Bear in mind these questions may not be presented in the exact language we quote here, but they will definitely be very similar in substantive intent.
So without further ado, here they are:
Question number 1:
Are you willing to die for the company? (e.g. for Amazon, Facebook, Twitter . . . etc).
You should of course answer in the affirmative. In fact, you should let your interviewer know (especially if it’s JB, or Zucky, or Jack D in person), that you are willing to die for the company even before you are hired. This will create a strong attraction pulling you towards the inner circle.
Question number 2:
Will you suck my d**k?
This is trickier than the first question. You don’t want to seem like a total pushover, so show some backbone. Let your interviewer know that if the boss wants service on such a personal level, you expect at least some level of reciprocity. Remember, you’re interviewing for a high level position. Mention that of course, good business relations have a give and take sort of nature, and you like to take it in the ass as well. Check to see if the interviewer smiles at this, that’s always a good sign. And remember, this question will be asked by interviewers who present as female, as well as those who actually are female. Showing surprise in such a scenario is definitely bad form, and will get you points deducted. Again, make sure you let your interviewer, whether male, female, or anything in-between, know you are willing to do much more than what they expect, and you always go the extra inch.
You can smell his bad breath, even through the photo. Sorry, folks.
Is this someone you can trust? He’ll steal your toothpaste when you’re not looking.
He thinks he’s Mr. Hot Shit on a silver platter, but he’s just cold piss in a paper cup.